Dentist the menace.

This
+

+

And fake blood.

www.myspace.com/outrageousrhinoceros

Lately,

pretty much all I want to do is listen to The Psychedelic Furs.

Sleeve

I came across this artist, Stephan Doitschinoff, when I was in NYC at the Jonathan Levine Gallery and fell so in love with his art work that I decided to start working on a sleeve based around some of the things I saw. If you know me, you know that I'm really into traditional style tattooing and religious themes and that is essentially what his artwork is made up of (hello run on sentence). Its too perfect. I just wanted to post a few pictures because they are so gorgeous. And honestly the photos do no justice if you had seen the originals in person.

I want to start my sleeve using one of these devil heads and work from there.

And here is the silkscreen print Charlie bought us. Its signed and limited to 300.

Here is a link to all the pieces in the installation we saw:

http://www.jonathanlevinegallery.com/?method=Exhibit.ExhibitDescription&ExhibitID=9B127075-19DB-5802-E006FE3771379827

when I listen to your ipod

I feel close to you, even if you're not around.

hanukkah birthday

It's my birthday week.

I'll be in NYC from Friday until Sunday.

Also:

(My boyfriend has good taste.)

Terrified of Flight

This winter I will get over my fear of flying and take a trip to Florida. I want to visit my Grandma, go to Key West and escape the cold.

Even if it takes a hypnotist. Which could be the equivalent of going to a psychic; something only a simpleton would waste their money on. If worse comes to worse I can always just drug myself with xanax.

I need a set of these for my apartment

More importantly though, a dresser. My clothes are laying all over my room with no place to go. I need to hit up a thrift/antique store for some furniture.

November coming fire(?)

This week has been stressful, but good things are happening for sure.

• Moving to Norfolk starting Saturday
• Birthday, very soon and excited about it for once
• Absolute best boyfriend
• An American Werewolf in London mini bust en route
• Sonic Youth Radio on Pandora
• Black Label and Sparks
• Being really happy despite the change to cold weather
• Eyebrows
• Hot Chocolate
• Still being child-free
• "ring toss"

The cutest thing I saw today

oh my god.

In close second though, was the pit bull playing with a kitten video.

Also, every time I see a man in a diaper, a little piece of me dies.

posting about my birthday(again)

I'm buying myself two things for my birthday. These sunglasses:

And I decided that next week I'll probably go to Ink Gallery and get someone to start my sleeve, starting with the zombie/octopus piece on my upper arm. I'm also thinking of putting a bat on my inner wrist, but we'll see about that.

Also, you can buy me some of this for my birthday if you love me or even if you hate me:



I still want one of these, too. (wink, wink)



p.s. My cat is adorable!

Here's to new beginnings, you fucks

Its 2pm, I'm getting off of work now to vote.

p.s. the suspense is killing me.

Okay, so I'm finishing this at 9am, November 5th.

I am stoked on life right now. Last night was fun as shit: fireworks, Black Label, CNN.com and the refresh button, 4 hours of sleep. And now pretty much all I want to do is eat a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit and curl up in bed next to Charlie.

a blog entry about quitting myspace

I had a long internal monologue with myself last night and part of this morning about ending my myspace usage or deleting it altogether. How true is it that all the coolest people are the ones that don't even have a myspace??

I hate the fact that I find out about things involving my friends via myspace bulletin from a 3rd party. I hate the way its sometimes set up to make you feel like shit, and a lot of times not even on purpose. I think, especially this year in particular, I've used it more for evil rather than good. Actually, I don't even know how true that statement is, but I know that it has upset me more this year than any other prior. I hate that it hurts my feelings when my boyfriend doesn't respond to a message or comment, or the fact that I know there is a picture of him on his ex girlfriend's "about me"(which I find particularly sad but truely denotes how far from reality myspace actually is). I mean, when I speak to Charlie about 50 times a day, does it even matter if he responds back to me or not? No, of course not. I know this, but I think myspace is designed to make people feel shitty about themselves. It also contributes to half-assed friendships because people would rather settle for a comment than actually hang out. Granted, there are positive aspects to it, i.e. keeping in touch with friends from out of state and sometimes my friends even make me laugh via myspace comment/message. (I think the key is to use it sparingly maybe? Who knows)

I didn't just have some sort of epiphany and I definitely think about deleting my myspace every now and then. Will it happen? I'm not sure. Its become some sort of sick daily ritual but I hope one day a bunch of my friends will say "fuck it" and we can all destroy our myspaces together. (and probably, in secret, create new ones)

Click this link to find out why youtube is better than myspace:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4MNQp1tV7Q

and this one too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_V57qepGXM

post Halloween blues

This year there definitely was a huge build up to Halloween but Charlie and I pretty much ended the evening by dressing up and playing "scaries" all night and not leaving the house. What is that you ask(or maybe you don't even want to know)?? Its essentially a furry but with monster costumes, so there you go. Fake blood and wearing a mask gets my boyfriend's dick hard, what can I say?

Well, its the first week of November, the clocks were set back today and they are putting up Xmas decorations in Target already(shudder). It made me a little sad. Also, I move out to Norfolk in the next week or two. I will attempt to out run my depression like I do every winter, I'm just crossing my fingers that this one will be different from the others. I'm trying my best to be positive even though it already feels like, at times, my world is up in flames for no reason at all.

Oh yeah, election day is Tuesday! and gas is $1.99, absurd!

Stumble in somnambulance so pre-dawn corpses come to life

Bryan c. 1993

Well, after having what can only be described as the best month of my entire life, followed by an absolute shit week, I'm hoping that today will make up for the last 4 days and I can pretend like they never happened. I'm starting my day by having candy for breakfast. And as soon as I get out to Norfolk this evening I am covering myself in corpse paint and fake blood. I can not wait.

I look genuinely happy here for once in my life, right?

You think you're a zombie, you think its a scene

From some monster magazine

Well, open your eyes [now/too late]

This aint no fantasy, boy

[p.s. sil-ver sham-rock! Fuck! Get this song out of my head!!]

so my birthday is coming up

And I saw these bloody name necklaces and thought they were super rad, so if you don't know what to get me here is an idea.

This model is pretty gross, btw.

Here is the link:
http://www.tattydevine.com/boutique/product_info.php?cPath=126&products_id=757

I'll throw in a little incentive if you decide to get me one: you can chose whatever you want it to say. I think its a limit of 9 letters, so get creative.

Spooky Time

commences tonight at 8:30ish(?) starting with the haunted hayride. This may or may not include eating candy apples(razor blades not included) and picking out pumpkins. If you read this and want to come, feel free to show up. Saturday Me and Charlie are going to Howl-O-Scream. I have room in my car for one more, so if you want come along for that hit me up.

I'm pretty sure Charlie is going to carve a bat pumpkin for me and I want to carve him a Frankenstein. I just have to figure out how to do an awesome one cause I'm not going to sit and carve some wack-ass pumpkin. They say white pumpkins are "in" this year. Blasphemy!

And if my bottle of blood works properly I am going to have a pretty awesome and gross costume for Halloween. When I am finished, the whole thing will have cost me less than $25, unlike last year when I went as a nurse and between the dress and the shoes cost me over $100. Fuck that shit. I've also been contemplating a spooky mix, but I'll only do this if I have enough time between now and the 30th. I have a running track listing in my head, I swear. Also, I think we are going to the Halloween party and The Boot, but all plans are subject to change at any time without notice, as usual.

Okay, life is great, if you didn't already know.

Arterial spray paints the carpet

I've had 30 Day of Night for about 7 or 8 months, but every time I've watched it I've been preoccupied with other things so I never really got to get into it or finish it. But last night Charlie and I decided to really watch it. Fuck! This movie was so intense that I had nightmares! No joke, like a 5 year old, woke up drenched in sweat at least twice. The gore was fantastic, people died in that movie in almost every way you could kill someone. There were quite a few life-like decapitations. Blood on snow always looks great in my opinion. Okay, so vampires with super human strength, rows of razor sharp teeth, and knife-like talons that can roam around for 30 days without worrying about the dangers of lethal UV rays...amazing! This is highly recommended. There is also a graphic novel this movie is based off of that I'm trying to read in the near future. Now I pretty much want to watch this movie every single day of my life.

California

This sounds better and better the more I think about it...

I need to be laying on one of these.

This, not so much.

I could totally make this a reality. (Moving to California. Not being eaten by a shark.)

*edit: Okay Charles, lets go...for real, next year.

"goth cougars are the best kind"

At around 2:00 yesterday I randomly found out that Danzig was going to be in Richmond. I called Charlie and we decided that since neither of us had seen him before that we should make the trip up there after I got off of work. I think we headed that way around 7 or so. Since we didn't really care to see any of the opening bands we figured that the later we got there the better. We had to sit through Dimmu Borgir which was fucking hilarious and horrible all at the same time. I think its funny when bands take themselves way too seriously, and that was how they appeared to me. Some of the band members were wearing "soccer is not for pussies" shin guards. If you've ever seen this band's "uniform", then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. No, I'm kidding. I'm going to start listening to black metal.

But rewind to 10 years prior. I'm 16 and for some reason had to go out of town with my parents for the weekend. When I get back all my friends are like "we went and saw Danzig, it was awesome and you missed it." So this trip was 10 years in the making in a way. And although I might have rather seen him then, this was Satan's Child era I believe, it was definitely essential. Charlie called it something to cross off of his "bucket list". I can totally agree on that.

And although I knew it to be somewhat of a farce, I heard he was playing Misfits songs. This never happened but a girl can dream can't she? We also missed the meet and greet. This was fine, I have an awkward track record when it comes to meeting band people. i.e. "deer in headlights".

And I wasn't going to mention this but his comb over had an epic fail the entire show, but he is an older man so this was expected, I guess. But I love him. He had a integral part in my adolesence. But here is how I rate the bands he was in: Misfits>Samhain>Danzig. Always in that order.

There were gross, sweaty boobs and gut pieces everywhere by the end of the show. And I was excited to see Alley, Justin, and Aaron out last night as well. Driving 2 hours just to see a man when I have to get up at 6am is crazy, but I guess we were all committed. It was awesome, the entire thing, even the trip there and back. I'm working with 4 hours of sleep. I just wish he would have played "soul on fire" and wore the lobster hands. But whatever.

Look Alive Project-10/12/08

This event was pretty amazing and super fun. Although I have to say there was a point where I drank too much and don't remember much of the end. Blackout time. So, if someone could fill me in on what happened from about 8:30 on, that would be great. I bought an awesome wallet that Cori made. It has a nude woman with huge boobs AND a huge bush inside of it. The Restless Bodies booth looked great, and I think it was being shared by at least 5 other artists but it all worked out very well. I'd like to thank MSYiii for a)spilling an entire beer in the passenger seat of my car and b)selling the painting I told him I wanted to buy.

The Granby Theater has tons of very steep stairs and I'm thankful I didn't drunkenly tumble down them all. I was surprisingly graceful.

Glad to see both Serrano sisters. Hannah, your text this morning was priceless: "Oh god, last night! Serrano sisters are such messy drunks." Love it. Good to see both Chris and Shannon out, too.

On a side note, when I talk about buying prints of artwork. In my head I always think "Prince". And by that I mean this guy:

And did I mention I love my boyfriend? Thank you for taking care of my stupid, drunk ass and making sure I drank lots of water before bed so I wasn't ridiculously hung over for work this morning.

Also, I had Hardee's breakfast for the first time ever this morning. It was pretty good. Motherfuckers forgot to put cheese on my sausage, egg and cheese biscuit though. (insert sad face) And now I want to go back to bed. Its going to be a long day.

split personality?

I sometimes feel like no matter what I do, I will never be good enough.











But most other times I'm just a raging ego-maniac.

This had me written all over it

I am the grammar/spelling police.

In the upcoming week or 2

-Howl-O-Scream tickets for October 25th
-Pumpkin patch and haunted hay ride(Hopefully. I had almost forgotten about these two things)
-Pumpkin carving

-Getting my costume together. I think I've decided on a zombie. Carrie can wait til next year, I guess.

-New eyebrows. They're almost completely grown back and I'm actually starting to like them.

-Getting used to Charlie working for the man. So weird.

I love October. I know its going to go by so quickly.

And I finally really watched Darjeeling Limited and I loved it.

cutest thing I saw today

Teensy baby deer.

Delivered by C-section after the mom was hit by a car. I know a lot about killing deer with my car.

Full story here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1065209/Meet-deer-little-handful-called-Rupert-delivered-Caesarean-section-mother-killed-car.html

...

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

Happy 22nd Birthday little buddy!!!

Remember when you were 3 or 4 and I was about 7 or 8 and I pushed you down the stairs? Your crumpled body lie at the end of the stairway for about 20 seconds. God, I wanted you dead. You stole my thunder as an only child. Yeah, yeah, we had a baby sister by then, but that did nothing to quell the bloodlust that was so deeply seeded in my soul I thought it would never completely fade. Well, I'm glad you survived that particular attack(and subsequent others) and made it to 22. You are my best friend, wonder twin and one of the funniest people I know. Your birthday party was super rad. Enjoy your car payments and happy Ipod-ing(sometime by the end of the week, promise.)

Sorry we didn't get you a giant birthday card, don't cry. I'll probably bring you home a birthday card that has nothing to do with a birthday. Like, "Congrats on the new baby", "Missing you Grandson!", or my particular favorite "With deepest sympathy....". You know me.

Love,

Amber

Engaging.

There was a conversation about this last night.

People should educate themselves. And women in general suck, are soul-sucking, or will just suck your dick.

Oh my god!!

I had creepy, candlelit shower time this morning in the new apartment! Rad. So rad in fact, that it made me late for work. It was like showering in a haunted house! I'm pretty sure a ghost touched my vagina.

And completely off topic, sometimes when I type the word "bonus" onto my spreadsheet at work I accidentally type "bonis" instead. That shit makes me laugh every single time. Trust me, I just did it. Its like a combination of two of my favorite words. Deep down inside, I'm really just perverted a 13 year-old boy.

I don't get it

2 people in the last month have said I am a dead ringer for Winona Ryder. First of all, is this even a compliment? And second, I'm just not buying it...not with this Jew nose. I just find it odd, I mean, I don't even have a giant rack.

ha, this one's good, booze and cigarette in hand....TWINSIES!

But whatever, at least people aren't still saying I look like Jamie Lee Curtis, like when I was 16. This is offensive, she is a known hermaphrodite. And is a "handsome" woman at best. What a teenage confidence booster, you know what I mean?

You know what my problem is?

I never got the chance to violate a man who was saving himself for marriage or Jesus or whatever the fuck you want to call that. I think this would have been a good anecdote for me to recount as a withered old hag, or at least a hilarious story to tell people about how my magic pussy made someone forsake the lord.

But you know what is way better??

Letting the godless cop a feel:

I love my werewolf.

Hurricane Ike

Flood waters caused caskets in a cemetary to resurface. This fascinates me to no end.

Look!

"You are the coldest woman I've ever been with"

I'm not just realizing this but nobody in my family ever tells me they love me. This eats at me sometimes but I still think its kind of funny. And weird. I'm always afraid people cringe when I say it to them, too.

This is the first time I've never made any kind of comment about this. It feels good. But it makes me really sad at the same time.

Boo fucking hoo, I guess.

The horror!

This morning when I looked in the mirror I decided that while I grow my eyebrows back I'm looking more and more like a fucking sasquatch. Sigh.....



Yesterday I learned that Crocs can get stuck to the metal on escalators and rip people's toes/feet off. This is the best news I've heard all week! Children or not, I squealed in delight. I can't think of any other fashion(?) accessory that makes me want to douse someone in gasoline and set them on fire. I refuse to make eye contact with anybody who is wearing a pair because in the second that I see you have them on you are pretty much dead to me. I've already convinced myself that you don't have anything remotely interesting or intelligent to say. They makes your ass look enormous, especially dudes. And stop trying to tell me they are comfortable, I don't give a fuck. It's no excuse.

via email

Bryan: hahahha...no i was writing you but then on the right it says stationery and i had to put one up...this one fits you its called gothic rose...

Me: Well, I mean, spiders are now living in my car so yeah, pretty much.

Imagine my blood-curdling scream

Hey Bryan, thanks for leaving my window down two nights ago, because when I got in my car this morning a huge spider had made a giant web that stretched from passenger side to my seat. And the worst part about this was how I found out it was in the car. When I blindly reached into the back seat to get my sweater I stuck my arm in the web and the spider stuck to my forearm and dropped into my crotch. Awesome. I tried to find a picture of it to post but I got too creeped out.

Anyways, my weekend playlist will include:

If they're all saints then I'm a liar

Are things as they appear or am I just fucking crazy?

Deathray

Best thing I saw today.

Some shit I'm feeling.

The ads for Choke have got me pretty excited. Found my copy of the book last week in my closet, so I may re-read it so I can complain about the movie, kind of like I did with American Psycho.

Oh yeah, I've decided to get a MacBook. Jealous?

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It took me a couple of episodes to get into it, but the shit is hilarious. And I'm pretty sure this clip sealed the deal for me.

New BFF

Best pregame drink ever invented. I got tore up, but was not sloppy drunk and was actually pretty focused for the rest of the evening(believe it or not). It enabled me to drink all night and not even realize I was tired until I woke up Saturday morning and wondered why Charlie hadn't started An American Werewolf in London only to realize it was the a.m. and the DVD had finished and was at the title menu. Will drink again.

funny because it's true

From http://ffffound.com/

Lying

I've decided this is pretty much the worst thing anyone could possibly do to me. Total mind fuck. No particular reason for posting this, I was just thinking about it. I'm fragile I suppose.

Also, gross strippers who do private parties, you make the world go 'round. Thanks for making my Wednesday night a little more entertaining.

Dear Seasonale,

I hate you and I've decided to fire you. You're done fucking my world up.

Love,

Amber

Hey, guess what?

Your children. Not remotely interesting WHATSOEVER.

getting my read on

These are my next two literary endeavors.

end of summer

In typical Amber fashion, I swam for the first time on the official last day of summer. Charlie and I originally wanted a pool to swim in because its a little less gross for both of us. This plan fell through and we dragged our asses to 81st street. We made a quick stop at Target for zebra towels and a pair of swimming trunks at least one size too big. I generally loathe the beach and my brother even remarked that it was odd that I was even swimming there when I called to invite him out. We had a fucking blast and my pale ass even got a little sun. I even mastered the art of swimming without losing my sunglasses so the sun didn't burn my retinas. I've decided I would take it easy on the beach shit-talk from now on and I might even go back(gasp!).

On another note, I finally got to check out Halloween Planet, which I have stalkerishly(real word) driven by at least once a week for the last month and a half. I wasn't super impressed, although I'm not exactly sure what I expected. Their severed limbs were a bit pricey so I decided against buying any there. But I did pick up a good sized bottle of blood, a mustache for Charlie's disguse and a pair of black fence net thigh high tights. Knowing me I'll probably go back at least once or twice more and now I'm even more excited about the impending fall season.